This is a continuation of our series on how to be more effective as a manager in a "people" business. The first article in this series suggested that whether running your operation seems like being lost in the weeds or spending a day at the beach is strictly a function of your perspective. The beach is available to you but you can't see it from the weed patch. In the second installment, we looked at different models of management (the cop vs. the coach) and explored the idea that in the age of service it is our human skills that will determine the degree of our success. Then we explored the power of presence - of being totally in the moment with people.

Next we introduced the notion that a person's state of mind determines how the world looks to them which, in turn, determines how they behave. In other words, behavior is just a symptom of a level of thinking. The concept is so simple and yet revolutionary when we compare it to the way we always thought things worked. Then I shared a personal example of how this understanding might be applied to a real world situation. To complete our look at people as individuals, here are three other truths you should consider:

Frame of Reference
We are all products of our environment. As we grow up, we learn things from our parents, our peers, the school, the church and society in general. Events happen and we draw conclusions from them. People tell us things and we believe them. All of these judgments are filed away as lessons. The sum of these experiences (call them values, beliefs, assumptions, etc.) forms our frame of reference for the world.

When something comes up, we see it in the context of our life experiences and make a judgment about whether it is good or bad, relevant or irrelevant, a threat or benign based on how closely it agrees or disagrees with our individual notions of how things "are" or "should be". So the mental constructions we make from our life experiences are what determines how we make sense of the world. Every conclusion we draw about everything that happens in our lives is completely validated by our value system.

The problem is that every person has a unique set of experiences. They grew up in a different country or part of the country. They were raised in a different religion. They drew different conclusions from the same events. They didn't buy into some of the ideas that we did. Each person's frame of reference is necessarily different from everyone else's because every person's life experiences (and the conclusions drawn from them) are different. This is true even for identical twins. Yet every person's view of the world is as equally valid a personal reference for them as your view of the world is for you. So while you may still look at something and say "this is the way it is," a more valid statement would be "this is the way it looks to me."

It is incredibly arrogant and amazingly disrespectful to think that our frame of reference, our reality, is somehow better or more valid than someone else's but it happens all the time. Many managers generate a tremendous amount of stress because they try to force their view of the world on their staff. Without understanding that everyone effectively lives in a different world, it is easy to think that people who "don't get it" or "refuse to cooperate" by seeing things our way are somehow difficult, stupid or trouble-makers. In fact, they only have a different frame of reference. Different, but certainly not wrong.

We are not going to change the way anyone sees things. We can, however, start to realize that our point of view is only our point of view, not a vision of Ultimate Truth. With this perspective, it may be easier to allow others to hold different opinions from ours without having to see that difference as a personal threat. When you can do this, the result will be a more tolerant work atmosphere in which your staff will be more productive, give better service and be more likely to stay.

Tone of Voice
Another insight into dealing with people is that the message you send is not communicated by your choice of words. In fact, the message you deliver is always contained in the feeling behind the tone of voice you use. Your words, while important, are just a vehicle that carries the emphasis, inflections and feelings that bear the message that others receive. You can probably recall a recent incident in which someone said one thing but conveyed a totally different message by the way they said it. Which message did you believe? This demonstrates the power of tone of voice.

Everybody makes assumptions, forms judgments and draws conclusions from another's tone of voice. If you have ever watched a foreign language film or been in a country where you did not speak the language, you probably still had a pretty accurate idea of what was happening. You could tell who was happy, sad, confused, angry or frustrated by the tone of their speech, even if you did not understand their words.

The typical foodservice manager's day can be hectic. As the pace picks up and the level of stress builds, it is common to forget the importance of voice tone when dealing with others. Under pressure you can easily snap off a fast answer or react in a way that delivers a message different from the one made up of your words.

If you talk to people in a disrespectful tone, more often than not you will get a negative reaction. If you speak in a pleading tone, people will not take you seriously. Either extreme hampers productivity. However, a gentle, neutral tone will automatically foster an adult relationship between you and your staff which will improve the work climate. In a higher climate, your staff is naturally inclined to provide exceptional service to your guests, feel more involved in their work and identify more closely with the company.

To help make sure your intonation matches your intention when you are talking with someone, pause before speaking, drop any distracting thoughts, allow yourself to connect with the person you are talking to and then simply say what you need to say. It is a process of cleaning up your internal state - a process that is quite natural. When you start becoming aware of your distractions, you will naturally start the process of self-correction. I think you will be surprised and pleased by how clear your communication becomes, how few misunderstandings arise and how effective you become at human relations.

The Way You Treat Your Staff Is the Way They Will Treat Your Guests
A final point - and the one you probably didn't want to hear - is that personal example delivers the clearest message of all. You cannot chew your crew out, treat them like errant children and expect them to go forth to deliver inspired, compassionate service to your guests. What they see is what you will get. You are the role model whether you want the job or not. It is just that simple.

If you want your staff to treat your guests with respect, treat your staff with respect. If you want your crew to listen to your guests, listen to your crew. If you want your staff to report to work looking sharp, pay attention to your own grooming habits. If you want people to be on time, schedule an arrival time for yourself and be at work when the schedule says you will be. (If you have errands to run, come in on time then leave to do your errands.) If you want your crew to be flexible, forgiving and tolerant . . . well, you get the picture. Unless you are willing to play as good a game as you talk, you will be in a continual struggle with your staff, one that will eventually wear you down and drive them away.

In the last several articles, we have discussed a number of insights into people and why they react the way they do. We talked about presence and state of mind. We looked at personal cultures, tone of voice and the power of personal example. These principles apply to all people regardless of ethnic background or gender. People are just people and simply understanding these notions can make you more effective in all your human relationships. When you have your people act together, you are better able to help your staff stay positive and in a state of mind that will cause your good workers to stay and give exceptional service to your guests and each other.

Effectiveness in this mode requires being more of a teacher and less of a technician - more of a coach and less of a cop. Still, understanding what makes people tick opens the door for lasting results with less effort than you ever believed possible - and without having to wrestle with techniques or a host of petty details. Next month we will start to look at people in relationship and begin discussing how organizations function.

Related Articles

·  Maintaining a Positive Climate ·  The Power Of Climate ·  Handling the Day From Hell ·  The Human Equation